Dear bunni, I must concede, your interest in having a bio written for you lack luster bar band intrigued me. I have taken great pain to craft the following gemstone mines of flashy finds and hardened beauties about your little devil-may-care act. Below you will find my intense portrait of the band known as...LOPEZ. Sincerely, Jason M. Rivera Chimera Magazine LOPEZ THE LATER YEARS... The five-piece rock icon known as Lopez has survived many ups and downs (yes, a veritable roller coaster of emotions) over their lucrative seven-year career - the loss of friends, a period of scorn from local press, jealousy from their peers, a long battle with alcoholism and sleeping pills; these trials have all led up to Lopez's current position - top of the heap: punk rock's newest and cutest boy band for the masses. Before you truly know the entity known as LOPEZ, you must first know the pieces that make up this conglomeration of musical ecstasy: JR RIFFLESS: Vocal stylist. Joel had trained extensively in classical vocal composition and Tae Kwon Doe, making him a formidable force both in sonic quality and bodily might. WARNING: Don't ask to hear his slam poetry; your ears will bleed for days on end. BUNNI RIKTER: Bass slayer and one-man vocal choir. Considered the backbone of the band (in his mind, at the very least), Bunni has everything it takes to make it in the rock star biz - stern hand shakes and multiple stage fits. DRUNKEE DRUNKERSON: Construction worker by day, male stripper by night, Drunkee has never taken one guitar lesson. The rock swells up inside him and unleashes itself upon his guitar in nightly masturbatory rituals that have left small craters on nearly every street corner in P-TOWN, USA. MILK JERKOBSTEIN: Where would Lopez be without the million-miles-an-hour drumming and percussion of M.I.K.E. (Motorized Invincible Kick-drum Engine)? Recently revealed as a robot, the members of Lopez almost lost their lives helping M.I.K.E. defect from the evil hands of Dr. Mikebender. To show his gratitude, the robotic drummer has changed his name to MILK, wears white wrist and headbands to show his love for the good side of rock and roll as well as wearing a wig in the style of his favorite comic genius - Gene Wilder. THE DOCTOR: The only success story - quit Lopez and joined the FIREBALLS OF FREEDOM. Now lives in a mansion in the West Hills next to Art from Everclear. TIMMY TORTURE: The new kid. The one with stars in his eyes. After the Doctor left the band, all was thought lost. Then JR spotted some dumpy kid on a street corner churning out sweet lick after sweet lick of potential rock dynasty anthems. Timmy was signed and the rest is history. As the newest line-up came to fruition last year, Lopez decided it was time to leave their mark upon the music world. At first, they let their manager set up the usual fanfare - interviews with Carson Daily, Buzz bin video pre-hits, VH-1 Behind the Music, Lopez.com, etc. But after a few weeks in a limo together, the band realized it was time to get back to their "roots." Now you can find Lopez doing what they love best - drinking for free at their favorite Portland clubs, playing shows and recording 7-inch split singles with their buddies, interviews on KBOO with Fred the Punk Rock Barber, touring the seedy bars of America and preparing to release their full-length opus on INFECT RECORDS. Lopez knows life is too short to waste on "contracts" and "big name bills." Lopez rocks. |
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